gemsling

Theresa and Deborah are out and the kids are asleep; even when I have music on, the house feels strangely quiet; Or at least, it was until I put on the 'R' Certificate Songbook - a wonderuful album of bawdy songs I borrowed from Dad. It's so infectiously delightful and beautifully obscene.

You've probably already heard some of these bawdy songs, or else you're leading a sheltered life. It has some classics like Poor Little Angeline, The Woodpecker Song and Chastity Belt. And of course a medley in the tradition of Sweet Violets.

A few great lyrics to share with you all:

Our head prefect;
Her name is Jane.
She only likes it now and again.
And again, and again, and again, and again.

He said the world was round-o, his balls hung to the ground-o;
That masturbating, fornicating, son-of-a-bitch Columbo.

The mayor of Bayswater, has a charming little daughter,
and the hairs on her dicky-dido hang down to her knees.
One black one, one white one, and one with a bit of shite on...

But wait, it gets worse:

You'd need a gold miner, to find her vagina,
and the hairs on her dicky-dido hang down to her knees.

And she's not the only one:

He was lousy and dirty and covered in fleas;
The hair on his balls hung down to his knees.
God bless the bastard king of England.

And of course, the patriotic ending to that song:

Rule Britannia marmalade and jam.
Five Chinese crackers up your asshole;
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.